Panic Mode Equals Inspiration

When I first received a contract offer from Morning Rain Publishing for the Wishing Stone and Other Myths (Lessons Learned on Gull Cliff Island), I believed there had to be some mistake.  Despite my years of dreaming for such an offer, when it at last happened I thought "there must be a catch", and so I waited for someone to ask for money, or to say "sorry, we emailed you by mistake".  When this did not happen I still could not wrap my head around the reality that a publisher wanted my work, and I know I must have appeared somewhat detached for at least three or four days thereafter.

But then suddenly the situation became real and like a tidal wave crashing upon shoreline excitement pounded through me.  I was to be an author.  Morning Rain would provide me with editors, with a graphic designer, with marketing advice, and industry experience.  Morning Rain would share my words with the minds of others.  I became a vessel of erratic energy and could barely think straight.  I was thrilled and sick all at once and it was lovely, grand, curious, and uncomparable...

And now something new has occurred.  A higher level of comprehension has set upon me, a kind which has sparked my previous vigor into an ominous stomach and mind swirl of what ifs.  

• What if my book launches and no one buys it?
• What if people buy it but no one enjoys it?
• What if people buy it and everyone hates it?
• What if everyone hates it and Morning Rain no longer trusts me?
• What if this beginning becomes an end?

My whole life has been a roller coaster ride of energies.  When something excites me the ride fires into speed, the world ignites and I move faster and faster, but then the world around me slows down and my ride slides back with its pace, and when that happens, I become inspired.  As the ride and real life become one my expression becomes inspired, and I must write.

That is how I work.  And so while I await a coming triumph or doom I will write...